Election Analysis: Rich Guys Still Republicans

Analysis Finds Bankers, Tech Workers, and Consultants Too Rich to Be Democrats, Despite Their Values

NEW YORK, NY — In a groundbreaking analysis released this week, political experts have discovered a disturbing trend: despite exhibiting all the values of traditional Democrats, high-earning bankers, consultants, and tech employees make so much money that they just can't help but lean Republican.

The study, which analyzed decades of political contributions, lifestyle choices, and tax filings, concludes that the combination of immense wealth and a desire to protect it from taxation makes it near impossible for this cohort to consistently support left-wing policies.

"Look, bankers are all about the environment, diversity, and the rights of the disenfranchised," says Bavid Desuden, a partner at CDH Consulting. "But at the end of the day, if a few more Gazans need to die to lower my marginal tax rate five basis points, well, that’s a deal I’m willing to take. Hell, I’d settle for two basis points."

While many assumed that financiers and tech moguls would naturally align with the progressive policies of the left, the findings show that the sheer amount of money they make and the ways they protect it fundamentally conflict with the party’s core principles.

"At the end of the day, I really like the idea of a woman's right to choose," said Jordan Fisk, a senior VP at Morgan Stanley, "but I’d also like to choose what to do with my own money even more."

Fisk, like many of his peers, admits that while he’s “all in” for corporate diversity initiatives, it’s hard to turn a blind eye to things like the carried interest deduction, which allows investment managers to pay a lower tax rate on their earnings. "Look, I’m interested in DEI...but I also care about the carried interest deduction; now that really piques my interest," he added, casually throwing a $1,000 bottle of champagne into his cart while shopping in an upscale Manhattan store.

This conflict has long puzzled both Democratic and Republican strategists, who have struggled to categorize the financial elite.

"For years, I thought these guys were Democrats," said Elise Donovan, a long-time DNC strategist. "They donate to progressive causes, talk a big game about climate change, and have huge diversity training budgets. But when you really break it down, it’s clear: they make too much money to be anything other than Republicans."

As one anonymous banker put it, "I feel for the working class. But when you’re pulling in a 13-figure salary, those $15 minimum wage proposals just seem a little too real for comfort, y’know?"

As consultants, bankers, and tech workers grapple with the contradictions in their political identities, the study found that many have reconciled their values by channeling their political donations and votes to the party that best serves their financial interests.

"I’m a huge fan of healthcare for all," said Tim Verlander, a 39-year-old software developer in Silicon Valley, "but I’m an even bigger fan of my stock options, which are about to vest this week. So, you know, I gotta make sure I’m doing what’s best for my portfolio."

Even within the consulting industry, which prides itself on providing strategic, unbiased recommendations, there’s a noticeable shift to the right as money continues to talk louder than policy.

“Most of the consultants I know love the idea of universal basic income,” said Desuden, “but when it’s time to really focus on our interests, that UBI better come with some tax breaks on capital gains—like, a lot of tax breaks.”

This phenomenon has left political pundits scrambling to reconcile the behaviors of these high-earning professionals with their supposed political leanings.

"I just don’t get it," said Jeremy Stiller, a Democratic strategist. "At first, we thought they were just a little confused about economic policy. Maybe they didn’t understand how their wealth was being generated. But now we know: they’re just too rich to stay in our camp. It’s like watching someone try to sit in a lifeboat while their yacht drifts away."

For many in the group, the real test came during the 2024 elections. “I was torn,” said Fisk. “I care about the environment, I really do. But if the Republicans keep their hands off my dividends and promise to repeal that corporate tax hike, well... that's a deal I just can’t pass up.”

Desuden summed up the dilemma succinctly: "At the end of the day, do I want a world where people have healthcare, or a world where my business can offshore some more operations and my taxes stay low? It’s really a tough call. But I'll take the second one."

As more and more techies, bankers, and consultants publicly state their preference for tax cuts over progressive policies, it’s clear that this group’s political identity crisis is far from over. "The Democrats can keep talking about the working class," said Verlander, "but I'm working on my third startup, and I need to focus on that right now."