Trump Slams “DEI in Marriage,” Blames Wokeness for Ruining Dating Pool

Mar-a-Lago, FL – At a recent rally-slash-fundraiser-slash-merchandise clearance sale, former president Donald Trump took an unexpected detour into relationship advice, lamenting what he called “the woke mind virus” infecting the dating world.

“We have all these big, beautiful men—believe me when I say beautiful. I was in charge of Miss America, okay? I know beautiful. And these tall, strong, athletic, successful men cannot find women today,” Trump said, shaking his head. “Now it’s just single moms and fatties and uggos. Not like the old days, folks.”

Trump blamed Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) policies for the so-called decline in American romance. “Women used to pick the best guys—real winners, like me. Now they’re doing DEI. They’re hiring more Blacks, more Latinos. You look at the data—LGBT roles, record numbers. It’s a disaster,” he continued, referencing no known data.

Trump then suggested that America might need to “import” more wives, as he did. “Listen, I had to go overseas last time. A lot of guys do it. We might have to bring back mail-order brides. Maybe we do a Trump Wife Visa, very exclusive. Only the best models, the best chefs—none of this feminism, none of this ‘equal partner’ nonsense. America first, folks.”

Political analysts were unsure whether Trump’s remarks were part of a new policy proposal or just an unusually unhinged late-night grievance session. However, sources close to the former president confirmed that aides have been instructed to draft legislation tentatively titled the “Make Marriage Great Again Act,” which would include incentives for women to “stay hot” and avoid hiring minorities in their small businesses.

As the crowd cheered, Trump promised that “when I’m back in the White House, we’re bringing back real couples, real romance—like in the 1950s, but without the ugly parts. Only the good stuff.”

At press time, Melania Trump was unavailable for comment.